Sept. 6, 2021: Bed bugs, Torn ligaments, ER visits, and the Love of God

Dear Friends and Family,

If you are not my mother (or even if you are) and you are not interested in reading a novel, feel free to skip to the Small Plates Version at the bottom of this email.

Large Plates:

This last week has been a lot. I'm really struggling to know where to begin. I guess we'll back it up and start from the beginning of my stay at the Provo MTC.

The first night at the MTC, as we were going to bed, Sis. Seymore and Sis. Daybell said in perfect unison, "Don't let the bed bugs bite!" We should have known then. The next morning Sis. Seymore woke up with a little bit of a rash on her face. She insisted it was fine. Every day the rash got worse and Sis. Seymore complained of intense chills. She was always cold, but as days went on she began to shiver in classrooms the rest of us thought were plenty warm. On top of that her stomach began to hurt, but she just dismissed it as stress. She began to eat less, and what she ate was often just sugar: cereal, bagel and strawberry cream cheese, donuts, etc. She hardly drank water, and was quite dehydrated. Tuesday night before the devotional, Sister Seymore came up to us and said, pointing to her knee, "Look at this!" Two huge red welts were on the inside of her knee and she was itchy everywhere. The rash had spread down her neck, arms, and legs.

"That's it", I thought, "I'm taking her to the front desk whether she likes it or not." Conveniently, I had lost my lunch card that day. (Never thought I'd call that convenient but here we are.) So after the devotional we went to the front desk under the guise of seeing if they had my lunch card. They did not, of course. I had lost it in my room somewhere and I knew that. But as soon as they said no, I said, "Oh no problem! Actually, I have one other thing I was wondering about. You see my companion seems to be having an intense allergic reaction to something and I was wondering if you could look up what bed bug bites look like on google. Because now she has these welts on her knee and one of our sisters said it looks like bed bugs." 

Long story short, they had Sis. Seymore talk to an on-call doctor over the phone who had her schedule an appointment for the morning. But they didn't think it was bed bugs, so they sent us back to the same room to sleep.

Okay. Now back up, rewind, and go with me to the beginning.

Twelve hours before we were all scheduled to arrive at the Provo MTC, Sis. Pedersen (said Peterson, it's dutch) fell down the stairs and injured the ankle she had already injured and had surgery on twice before. She came to the MTC with a brace and a determination to "walk it off". At first, she said she had no pain, and she looked it. She walked around with the rest of us, mostly without her brace at all, and seemed completely unbothered. However as time went on, her ankle began to be more and more swollen. The bruise developed down her foot and toes as is normal. But then it began to spread UP her leg. NOT NORMAL. And we had it on pretty good authority that it wasn't normal because Sis. Pedersen is in fact a certified Physical Therapist Assistant (PTA). Then she started to experience pain, and eventually was limping to and from our classes. 

So now we come to Tuesday night, I've just come back from the information desk with Sis. Seymore. I'm going to take her into the health clinic tomorrow morning, and they gave her 50 mg of Benadryl and 10 mg of Zyrtec. I come back to my room to find Sis. Pedersen in pain as has become usual. Sis. Curtis, one of the wives of our branch presidency comes to visit. I decide it's time to take advantage of her authority, so I begin to tell her about Sis. Pedersen's ankle. I use only the descriptions and phrases Sis. Pedersen has hitherto used to describe her pain and the development of the bruising and swelling. However, Sis. Pedersen interrupts me and begins to say that it's not that bad and blah blah blah. 

By now, I had actually attempted to get Sis. Seymore and Sis. Pedersen help multiple times, so I'd seen this run-around before. 

"NO! Nope! Stop! They do this every time Sis. Curtis!", I said to our sweet branch counsel lady. "Every time I try to tell someone what's going on Sis. Pedersen or Sis. Seymore start changing the story! Sis. Pedersen, did you not say THIS VERY MORNING, and I quote, 'The bruising is spreading up my leg. That's not normal. Man it hurts REALLY bad to walk on.' Did I miss a single word, Sis. Pedersen? Sis. Curtis throughout this week Sis. Pedersen has said..." And I went on to quote all the descriptions Sis. Pedersen had used that stress and worry for her had burned into my mind. Finally, Sis. Curtis agreed with me that Sis. Pedersen had to go to the clinic. "Sorry", Sis. Curtis said, "I'm afraid you've been overruled." 

So on Wednesday morning we took Sis. Pedersen and Sis. Seymore to the health clinic. In the course of doing so, we missed breakfast. Sis. Pedersen and Sis. Seymore stayed together as companions, and the rest of us went to class. In class, we find out that both of them were being transported to the BYU clinic for tests and x-rays. They requested priesthood blessings from the Elders in our district. AND BY THE WAY, the doctor took one look at Sis. Seymore's leg and said, "Bed bugs." 

After that news we were pulled from class, Sis. Pedersen and Sis. Seymore joined us in our room, and all four of us were told we had to put ALL of our clothes, EVEN STUFF WE HADN'T UNPACKED, into big red biohazard bags. We were told that we would be provided free dry cleaning and that we were to take all our stuff to the laundry and people would help us sort it there. Everything that wasn't going to the dry cleaners would be washed on high heat and dried high heat. We chucked all our clothes into bags and got ready to hall it to the laundry. Then we were told that ACTUALLY no one was coming to help us with the laundry and anything that needed to be dry cleaned should be sorted and left outside of our residence hall in the big red biohazard bags. When we explained we hadn't sorted because we were told differently, they had us pull just one outfit out of the bags that could be high heat washed and dried and then go straight to the laundry. Everything else was left in bags outside our residence hall, and we were told we could go back to our room until the exterminators came. All our toiletries, books, bags, shoes, everything we owned was off limits. The shoes on our feet were to be put in a bag after we had clean clothes. They were not to be worn, and not to be taken into our new room. 

So we went to the laundry, not talking to anyone, keeping a large distance from all other people as instructed. Then we were quarantined inside the laundry room until our one outfit was cleaned. At this point, we haven't had breakfast, and it's now lunch time. Sis. Pedersen is in pain; she's been hobbling around the crutches the doctor gave her while trying to do all this. But she hasn't had anything to eat all day so she can't take any ibuprofen. We are starving and stuck in the laundry. The front desk had been notified that we would need food nearly half an hour ago at this point, but we were still just waiting in the laundry room.

Finally, the Elders in our district arrive. Unable to touch us or go near us, they can't give the priesthood blessing Sis. Pedersen and Sis. Seymore asked for, but they want to help. I tell them that we really need the food, so our District Leader Elder Garcia-Cropper and his companion Elder Rodgers go to the front desk to check on the food that's supposed to be coming. The other Elders stay and get the whole story of what's happened to us as well as the update on Sis. Pedersen and Sis. Seymore's health. Cropper and Rodgers come back saying the food will be here soon. More waiting. The boys and two sisters who do not sleep in our room go get lunch and come back. WE STILL DON'T HAVE FOOD. We sisters are still trying to receive answers about exterminators and such. Things feel chaotic, I'm stuck in the laundry, I'm an STL responsible for my sisters, I'm starving, Sis. Pedersen is in pain, and I finally snap.

For the thousandth time, one of the Elders asks what they can do to help. I interrupt all the conversation and debate, nearly yelling, "WE NEED FOOD RIGHT NOW. WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN HOUR OR MORE AND SISTER PEDERSEN CAN'T TAKE IBUPROFEN UNTIL SHE HAS FOOD. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S AGAINST THE RULES. IF YOU WANT TO HELP, GO SMUGGLE SOMETHING OUT OF THE CAFETERIA AND BRING IT HERE NOW!" At that DL Garcia Cropper and Rogers literally sprint out of the laundry room. I likewise tell Sis. Pedersen to stay put as I break the rules and go back to the room to get ibuprofen and garments for Sis. Pedersen to wash so that she has some. When I come back, Sis. Pedersen has food. We give her the ibuprofen and get the final loads of laundry started. The Elders are once again gone. We switch over laundry and the food finally comes so we can have a proper lunch. Then the Elders come back. We have 6 elders and 6 sisters. Knowing that, for the foreseeable future, we didn't have any "uncontaminated" shoes, every Elder bought one pair of sandals for the sisters. (At that time we were expecting the other sisters to turn up with bed bugs in their room when the exterminators came and inspected the hall the next day. So in anticipation of that, the Elder bought all 6 sisters sandals.) We ended up wearing those sandals for all of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. 

Now a bit of emotional background, the sandals they got us were "jandals" or "Jesus sandals". They were just what they had at the MTC store. Well jandals were a really trendy, popular item when I was in middle school and into some of high school. Being the person that I am, I never bothered to get a pair because I never technically needed them. But thirteen year old me couldn't help feeling a little left out when everyone wore their jandals to school and took pictures of their feet in a circle. And when all my cousins had them too, even summer time I was on the outside. Granted, it was never that big of a deal. If it had been, I would have asked for a pair of jandals at some point. But basically I had always wanted a pair and never had one. So when the Elders brought us jandals, it warmed my heart on so many levels. It was just one more reminder of how this group of incredibly kind people loved, included, and accepted me on a level my peers never had before. And from now on, when I see someone wearing jandals, I'll think about the time someone was incredibly kind to me, instead of remembering the years I felt left out and alone.

Back to the story.

Eventually our clothes were washed. We changed into our clean clothes and put our contaminated clothes in bags. Then we were able to go to the last two hours of class, which began with two tender priesthood blessings. The Elders had taken great care to review their little foldable guides to priesthood blessings, and the sisters had looked forward to this moment all day. I don't know why, but there is something incredibly powerful about a bunch of 18 year old boys surrounding one of their friends and giving her a blessing of healing. I haven't felt the Holy Ghost that powerful in a blessing in a long time. Needless to say, some tears were shed. 

That night we slept in our new room. Thanks to Sis. Seymore's guts and willingness to ask for what we needed, they provided us with some basic toiletries: toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap. Even so, it felt like a very barren room and scanty supply. The hardest part for me was not having my journal to write out my feelings, or my special blanket with the picture of my family on it to wrap up in. 

Our new room was down in the basement, and the thermostat was turned down as low as possible when we came in. Because none of us had any pajamas, I went to the front desk to get extra blankets. The MTC blankets are next to nothing. In the end, I was only able to get two. Fortunately, I had taken the time to find a pair of sweats and wash them with my one outfit. So I gave my blanket to one of the other girls thinking that I'd be plenty warm with my sweats and my sheet. I was wrong. I knew there were extra blankets in the cupboard in the vending machine room. However the cupboard was locked. At that moment I thought,"You know, opening a cupboard really is nothing to my Father in Heaven. Perhaps I can just ask Him for a blanket." So I stood in front of the locked cupboard and prayed. As I prayed, I felt the Holy Ghost speak peace to my mind and heart. I felt warmer for a moment. Then, I pulled on the cupboard door. And it was locked.

Yet the Spirit still spoke peace to me, and I watched the thoughts float through my mind as though someone else had put them there, "I thank thee, Father, for answering my prayer. For Thy ways are higher than my ways." Then I turned and walked toward the vending machine at the end of the room, only to see an enormous tub of blankets. I scooped up 5 of them, went back to my bed and cried tears of relief. It had been a long day. But my Father was still there to provide for me at the end of the day. I cried a little longer and then fell asleep. 

Thursday and Friday brought more news, more priesthood blessings, more prayers.

After x-rays, CT scans, and MRIs it was determined that Sis. Pedersen had 7 torn ligaments. The only thing holding her ankle together was some scar tissue from her previous surgeries. One doctor said her ligaments might heal on their own, but another said she would HAVE to have surgery and therefore delay her mission by a year. Ultimately, the decision went all the way up to the general authority. She received another priesthood blessings. 

Friday morning Sis. Seymore threw up her breakfast. She was weak and pale and in a lot of pain on top of the itching from the bed bug bites that still plagued her. We ended up going to the clinic at the MTC, then to the BYU clinic, then to the ER. I got to meet her mother while we were in the ER! She's a lovely woman. Ultimately, the doctor had some theories, but nothing conclusive. They gave her pain meds and told her to see if it would pass. She received another priesthood blessing. While we were at the ER, we were told that dry cleaning wouldn't be able to do any of our clothes in time for our departure to the field. Thanks to my mother and Mrs. Seymore who both had the powers of Google available to them, we were able to learn that drying our clothes was all that was necessary for bug killing. So upon coming back to the MTC, we threw all our clothes (literally all) into the dryers. Then, because Sis. Seymore was still on bed rest, the boys helped us sort and fold all her clothes into bags, as well as our own. 

While all that was happening, God sent us Sister Arnell to be our angel (but really my angel specifically). She did our hair on that first Wednesday morning with no toiletries and many more times after that. She was my companion whenever my companion was in a doctor's appointment, musical practice, etc. And more than anything, she would simply walk with me and ask questions. "What's your favorite color, Sis. Shill?" "What's your idea of the most romantic date ever?" "How are you feeling?" I was busy trying to take care of Sis. Seymore and Sis. Pedersen the best I could, and that was exactly what I wanted to be doing. But when I was taking care of others, Sis. Arnell was taking care of me. And the Elders took care of all of us.  

Small Plates Version

For everyone who isn't my mother, here's what you really want:

(This also contains the conclusion of all the stories above.)

One girl in my district tore all the ligaments in her ankle before coming to the MTC. After a lot of doctor's appointments, the general authority sent her home. She is going home tonight, hopefully to come back out when her foot is healed.My companion got bit by bed bugs and got really sick at the same time. There were a lot of doctor's appointments, but she is okay now. And she is still flying out to Denver with me tomorrow afternoon!Because my companion had bed bug bites, we were kicked out of our room and stranded without any of our stuff for 2 nights. We got our toiletries and clothes back on after the second night, but much of our stuff wasn't available until Friday.Tad R. Callister gave a devotional on the Atonement on Saturday. All I can say is that I'm so excited to read his book!

Miracles and Confirmations of the Spirit seen:

The only person in our room who got bit by bed bugs was Sis. Seymore. I didn't get bit, and neither did Sis. Pedersen or Sis. Daybell: both of whom have a history with SERIOUS allergic reactions to bed bugs.Sis. Pedersen managed to do the whole MTC with us, despite have no attached ligaments left in her ankle when she arrived.Sis. Seymore got better from both her bed bugs and her illness and is cleared to go to Denver, despite a lot of pain, bad reactions to medicines, etc.The faith of an entire district was strengthened as many priesthood blessings of healing were administered.

Things I learned:

I have been seeking help from my Savior in learning to forgive. I received one of the most significant bunches of personal revelation I have ever received as an answer to this plea while I was here at the MTC. Here is just a snippet from my journal:"And I saw in my mind's eye, the Savior making an atonement for them. His hands palms up and out toward me. Holding, as it were, His sacrifice toward me, asking, "Is it not enough?" Behind Him all those who have hurt me, and all the legions of the earth standing. Then Exodus 32:32 became clear. The Savior stood saying as Moses said, "Forgive them because of my sacrifice, or cast me away with them." I understand now." The Savior's love fills in the holes, heals the wounds and pays the debts of all who hurt me. I never thought there could be a new way to be healed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ, but now I have found one! There is so much more to His power than I can even comprehend.

I have learned so much more than this! But I don't feel ready to share. I suppose, here is one other snippet I could give. I have been seeking charity. God placed two beautiful examples of charity in my district for me to watch and learn from: Sis. Arnel and Sis. Daybell. Turns out the both have the gift of charity enumerated in their patriarchal blessings. I'm getting better at using my gift of discernment to identify others' spiritual gifts. It's wonderful fun! Then at the end of my stay we began talking about spiritual gifts and I shared about my quest for charity. I shared what I'd learned. And then my district just shut me down. "What are you talking about?", Elder Hofheins exclaimed. And they all went about spelling out to me every time I'd exhibited charity since we got here. Later that night, Sis. Pedersen put it straight to me, "Everyone can see your charity, except you Sis. Shill." I'm still going to seek to increase my faith, hope, and charity together, but man did the Lord use my friends to gently rebuke me. I am so grateful for how they've taught me about myself and my personal blindspots.

I feel like I am trying to put a year into a single email, but I suppose I covered the things that are important. I have yet to fully understand many of the nuggets I was given. Perhaps as I get out into the field and see the answers that have begun to unfold completed, I will share more.

This much is clear: God is among us. And He loves His children better than I do. He knows what is best for them, and withholds no blessing, miracle, or power that would help them. I feel like I've done a poor job explaining how I've seen this to be true in the last couple weeks, but know that it is. Never hesitate to ask for knowledge of it yourself. The foundation of my testimony is this: God Our Father is a communicative God. He will speak if you will listen. If I will listen. 

Love,

Sister Emily Elise Shill

P.S. The Gospel is true!