First Two Weeks in the Field

Dear Friends and Family,

I don't know what to say! So much has happened and I ran out of time to write last week so now I have twice as much to cover. 

When I arrived in the Grand Junction West Zone, I got to say hello to my old friend Morgan Bledsoe from Helaman Halls. She got on the bus I got off, to go to Denver and then to fly home. This was a sweet tender mercy to me.

Following that I met my companion/trainer, Sis. Milaya Bealer. Sis. Bealer is a very kind person, and an easy person to be around. I think God knew we'd have a lot to teach each other. 

On the other hand, I really struggle with keeping the rules. Sis. Bealer is very obedient and so she's been helping me in that category. It's a bit of a slow process, but I get better everyday. Another thing I struggle with is our Mission President's terminology. He's a delightful person I'm sure, it's just that he uses a lot of phrasology that is very difficult for me. Thankfully, I came somewhat prepared to deal with this. However, up until now, I haven't had to use my tools. The main tool I've been using I call "translation". I simply replace every difficult word with one that more correctly communicates to my mind the meaning the speaker is trying to convey. At one point in a meeting, the Spirit gave me a new way to think of how the translation tool and other tools work: Put together, all my tools form a shield like a semi permeable membrane that let's in everything that helps me and keeps our what hurts me. 

So far this is my dictionary :

exact obedience translates to effort

expectations translates to hopes

goals translates to quests

key indicators translates to tactics

Another tool I've been terribly grateful for is the one I learned from the woman caught in adultery. When surrounded by my internal accusers, the Savior stoops down and distracts himself with the pleasant task of drawing on the ground. So in every devotional, training meeting, etc. I draw like MAD. I am not a good artist, but my cartoon fruits are definitely improving.  My sweet mother then sent me my coloring books and colored pencils. Now I color like mad. 

In all this, I am grateful because my companion has become very understanding of my struggles and has actually shown a great deal of care and support. It definitely could've gone differently.

Okay now simply a bullet list of all the tender mercies:

1) When my companion first showed me around our apartment, we got to the little back yard and she gasped. It had been a massively overgrown weed lot. But just before I arrived, the landscape people came and cleared it all. I took this as a direct nod from my Heavenly Father. He was going to take care of me; He even gave me a little place to build a garden. 

2) Two or three days in, when I was starting to realize that our area is tiny and Sister Bealer has been here for 3 months with nearly no one to teach, we went for a walk. We were walking down the main road when I started turning down the next neighborhood street without thinking. "Where are you going?", Sis. Bealer asked. "Oh! I don't know." "Do you want to turn down that way?", she asked. I thought about it, and felt the soft direction of what I thought could be the Spirit. "yeah I think so. We could just walk around this block." So down the block we went. No sooner than we had turned down the block did we see a man in a wheel chair turn the corner with his dog. We naturally stopped and talked to him. The dog launched at my face at first, but luckily he warmed up to me after that.  The man's name was Gary and we offered to come do service for him anytime he needed anything. We gave him a pass a long card with our names and number and walked on. Nothing came of it, and we didn't see a single other person on our walk. Then two more days later, when Bealer's discouragement was really starting to catch up to me, the Elders sent us this voice clip, 

"Hey Sisters! Thanks for giving our boy "only-want-service" Gary a pass along card. 'Cause now he doesn't ONLY want service! "

Let me tell ya, that was the best part of my day that day. And Father confirmed to me, that if I listen to the promptings I receive, I may have more opportunities to touch the ones and twos He knows are ready to hear the Gospel here in Colorado.

3) In spite of these and other tender mercies and nuggets of personal revelation, it has still been very difficult, from time to time, to deal with the myriad of rules and my companion's struggles. Add to that, my own propensity to forget what my Father is declaring to me, and you end up walking with mild discouragment and occasional moments of despair.

So as I continued to work to have the Christlike attributes of Faith and Hope, God gave me Saturday, Sept. 18 as a sign and a reassurance.

I wrote the following in my journal:

Today God signaled for what seems like the millionth time that He is planning to open the windows of heaven and pour out blessings upon us.

1)The Sign of Three

-Bananas for Banana Bread

-Home Grown Cantaloupe

-Doorbell ditched Ice Cream

2)Referral for service in our area

3)Rain- ancient symbol of God's blessings, the windows of heaven open to let down the "waters from above"

Then tonight our lesson with Carrie got CANCELED! Nevertheless, I was still full of hope and joy."

Some explanations:" The Sign of Three" is a pattern through which I have often received personal revelation. One good thing is a blessing. Three good things in one morning after two weeks of mostly drudgery is a message. An invitation to know, remember, and act. 

1) the bananas- one of the difficulties I was struggling with was not being able to use my time as I see fit. When I arrived we had Bananas ready to be banana bread. But because we couldn't make Banana bread to take to widows in the ward and call it service (don't know why, but isn't allowed), the banana bread had to be made during lunch or dinner (at which times I was already cooking lunch and dinner, go figure ). So the bananas grew moldy and I didn't get to make Banana bread with them. Then not knowing my plight, the elders offer to bring us their brown bananas. Really sweet and just so happened to be the thing that was bothering me, resolved. 

2)Service Referral-one of the things I was desperately praying for was opportunities to do service. When I arrived, we basically had nothing but 6-8 hours of Facebook and some walks planned. (NOT what we are supposed to be doing in our mission right now, but our members haven't been letting us come teach lessons, and its hard to get to know people when you see maybe one or two stragglers on a walk and that's it. Fruita is a small town...) So when the STLs texted and said we had a service referral from one of our Ads that was actually IN OUR AREA (which is tiny), it was nothing short of a Godsend for me. 

3) Then after all this, a storm rolled in and it rained. Lighting flashed so brightly it shone through our currents like headlights from a car right outside our window. The thunder was so loud, I thought something had exploded initially. I've never heard such thunder in all my life. As we went outside and watching the rain begin to fall, I felt the Spirit say to my heart, "After all you have seen and heard since you were set apart as a missionary, can you yet doubt that you will see the power of God? See His majesty and doubt not, for even as a million rain drops fall, so shall be His blessings upon you." I felt the love of God resound in my heart with an energy of excitement.

Just to be clear, I don't EXPECT anything. No matter what happens in the next 18 months, I will come closer to my Savior and God. This is enough for me. But I have hope in Christ, that He will work wonders as I strive to labor with him. That perhaps while I am here, I may bring one soul unto Him.

Then how great shall be my joy!!!

In other news, the next day in church I gave a slightly disorganized talk on Hope in Christ (a topic the bishop had picked, not me). During my talk, I apologized for rambling. Afterward two little girls came up (at different times) and gave me pictures they had drawn for me.  One said at the top, "Don't EVER stop rambling!"  Absolutely MADE my Sunday. On the back of that same note, in an adult's handwriting was "Find Rob P. Parsons CFA- He needs to hear your testimony ASAP"

The members had been all but refusing to work with us prior, and now God was softening hearts. We'd had our first member referral in Fruita 1st ward in at least 3 months, maybe more. 

God keeps His promise, just in case you were wondering. 

That was yesterday, so tonight I will attempt to track this man down. 

So many other tender mercies have happened, simply little things that constantly remind me all things denote there is a God! But I cannot write them all. So I will end with this:

Every moment from when I wake to when I fall asleep, I feel almost a current of support from Heaven. Though my heart aches or my head doubts, my body gets up and moves as if by it's own power. And I lay down at night with always another thing to thank my Father for. 

So I amend the scripture 1 Nephi 1:20,

"But behold, I, Emi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance from all things, both spiritual and temporal trials, afflictions, and dangers."

Love, 

Sister Emily Elise Shill

P. S. The Gospel is true! Hoorah for Israel!